a lot to say

I've got so much to type and so little time; update asap.

heartbrokingly fine

That's it. My sister is right. She ain't shit. Why do I fall for these ain't shit females? Its like she loves me but shes inconsiderate of my feelings well you know what? FUCK YOU DIONIA!! Ugh. I feel a tad bit better...but I still love her...I don't want this shit man, how did we get here? Prior to this week we've never argued...now its a day to day thing. She says I'm thee one tripping, yet shes the only yelling and mad. I ask a simple question and she gets mad; why? Then why she asks me a question that I know is going to turn into an argument she gets self defensive because I tell her I'm not going to answer for that fact.

My sister said you ain't shit for pretending like you don't love me when everyone knew that you did...she said you ain't shit for that little "argument" we had last night. If you loved me like you now say you do you wouldn't let us end like this. We all know I'm stubborn, you push me away I'm gone. That one push is all it takes. You also know no one can nor will ever love you like I do.

I guess, this is it for our friendship as well, goodbye my love.

I love her and this is officially thee first time shes EVER hurt my feelings and it wasn't even intentional. We've been texting all day. I ask can I call. She says yes, then when I call she says can I call you back? I say why? She goes because someone wants to talk to me as if I'm unimportant. Am I unimportant? Shes been talking about how she physically wants me but is that all she wants? I want her but I also love her. My bff equals my love.

Ok so I'm in thee car as I write this one...its about thee bestie n law aka my besties' girl. She ALWAYS trips on my bestie about little dumb shit. Like idk wtf. Ok, so my bff sent me a picture that my best just happened to see...she told her girl and her girl got mad and hung up on her... I really don't like that woman. She is straight trash. I think my bestie should get back with her ex, I don't even understand why they broke up. Psssh, I just had to vent on that.

I can mobilely blog now!! Yay!

Whats real

my father always said, "idk why you focus on being popular because after you graduate you won't have over half those friends." "Got my ass!!!," as my sister and I say because he was right. I have four best friends; only two of which actually went to school with me. My first "bestie" is my big sister Brittany. She is the most important woman in my life and no one else comes before her. She protects me as I try to protect her(she doesn't really need me but hey, I'm the lil sis). We're only 6 months apart(thanks dad!) but she is alot more mature than I therefore I am the little sister, literally. She provides me with everything I need and that she can give. We've been though quite a bit together which continuously brought us closer together and now we're practically inseparable. My best friend, Lexi, graduated with me, everyone else from scool I have completely cut off. I feel its so unnecessary to talk to anyone I used to associate with. E'Lexis is just as goofy as I am. We stay laughing and have the best time together always. We met two years ago in trigonometry class, ever since then we've basically been best friends. Right now, I technically live at her house. My other best friend, Courtney, actually graduated '08. They are both always here for me literally through everything. Courtney be all on her shit for me. She bullies me most of the time but only out of love.lol. When I thought I was pregnant thanks to a dumb ass psychic, she was really on her shit. Every time I felt one way or had a question I went to her. If she didn't have the answer she was bound to find it...just for me. She is also now my big sisters boyfriend; yes, boyfriend. My last best friend, D, is believe it or not someone that I met online, on Downelink to be exact. We just hit it off from the start, had literally everything in common: from likes to absolute dislikes. Now, I consider her the love of my life, I swear she is...but shes just my bff according to her. Lets see: we're both wayne, drake, &songz fiends, both of us are major ass freaks, we both have an ass fetish, we both are very protective, we both have the same kind of attitudes: which is something like "really, I don't give a fuck, I'm chill." We know each other and we both know what each other wants and likes because that's just how we are. And what I love the most...we both know whats best for each other. I swear its fate or something like it, look, I liked this song I had downloaded by a group I just discovered called the gogo power rangers, I tell her about it...guess what she just downloaded minutes before? The same song. Please don't hurt yourself by trying to find a logically explanation because there isn't one. I know where she downloads her music from but she doesn't know where I get mine and it sure as hell isn't where she gets hers. Its like everything we do...I don't really know how to put it but its like we think the same things and in the same way...if you ask me that's some deep shit, which is why I love her.

Dionia, I love you so damn much. You are fabolous and you keep me happy, big head. I love you and my three other best friends. No one could ever replace these four women.

a new (blog) beginning

I've just deleted all of my previous blogs because as I boringly sit here and reread what I blogged about I'm thinking to myself...my past was HELL. I hate what I've been through so far in life as a child growing into the woman that I am trying to be. I was reminded of what little I'd forgotten...or at least tried to forget. I believe I left my first blog simply because it was what it is. Life is complicated but it is far from hell, for that I thank God and I am very grateful. I also thank my sister and my three best friends, whom have been here for me as much as they could through everything. I have quite a bit to say so relax, my dear reader. Where I live now...is hectic. I live with a VERY needy woman my siblings and I call our aunt. My sister moved in with me about a month or so ago making my stay here a little more worth while. I love my sister she is one of the only persons I get along with on my fathers side(we have different mothers). She has always wanted the best for me and does what she can to make me better. I love my best friends Lexi, Courtney and especially D; her I love with all my heart, random fact. She is my everything. If I wished for things, which I don't, I'd wish for her to love me the same way I love her. She says she doesn't love me as much as I love her, blase, blase. Right now, I am in the process of "moving on" which isn't really going too well. I really like this certain female. Why? Because she is deep as hell and that's the simplest way I can put it. I am to used to being with bullshit ass good for nothing females. I'm a sucker, I know. But when I first met her, I was like damn, shes different. I believe I made the mistake of approaching her as if I would a bullshit ass good for nothing female and I blew my chances...but I don't know. Shes a hard one to figure out. Shes very misunderstood, very shy yet blunt and a bit rude. She has a good head on her young shoulders and has a a lot planned for her future. She talks I listen. I like when she randomly just spits out something you would never think about and turns it into a deep conversation, you know? No? Ok for instance, cheese on cornbread...that lead to poverty somehow. She can take anything and turn it into a very meaningful conversation. I in a way admire her, not really "knowing" her but knowing her as an individual that I've seen around and had a chance to speak with on that level...I respect and admire her. Jeez, its quite early in the morning and I have so much on my mind I haven't even thought about sleep yet...I think I should go lay down for a minute, our day is supposed to begin about 8, so my best friend and sister say, I bet they both oversleep. =)