a new (blog) beginning

I've just deleted all of my previous blogs because as I boringly sit here and reread what I blogged about I'm thinking to myself...my past was HELL. I hate what I've been through so far in life as a child growing into the woman that I am trying to be. I was reminded of what little I'd forgotten...or at least tried to forget. I believe I left my first blog simply because it was what it is. Life is complicated but it is far from hell, for that I thank God and I am very grateful. I also thank my sister and my three best friends, whom have been here for me as much as they could through everything. I have quite a bit to say so relax, my dear reader. Where I live now...is hectic. I live with a VERY needy woman my siblings and I call our aunt. My sister moved in with me about a month or so ago making my stay here a little more worth while. I love my sister she is one of the only persons I get along with on my fathers side(we have different mothers). She has always wanted the best for me and does what she can to make me better. I love my best friends Lexi, Courtney and especially D; her I love with all my heart, random fact. She is my everything. If I wished for things, which I don't, I'd wish for her to love me the same way I love her. She says she doesn't love me as much as I love her, blase, blase. Right now, I am in the process of "moving on" which isn't really going too well. I really like this certain female. Why? Because she is deep as hell and that's the simplest way I can put it. I am to used to being with bullshit ass good for nothing females. I'm a sucker, I know. But when I first met her, I was like damn, shes different. I believe I made the mistake of approaching her as if I would a bullshit ass good for nothing female and I blew my chances...but I don't know. Shes a hard one to figure out. Shes very misunderstood, very shy yet blunt and a bit rude. She has a good head on her young shoulders and has a a lot planned for her future. She talks I listen. I like when she randomly just spits out something you would never think about and turns it into a deep conversation, you know? No? Ok for instance, cheese on cornbread...that lead to poverty somehow. She can take anything and turn it into a very meaningful conversation. I in a way admire her, not really "knowing" her but knowing her as an individual that I've seen around and had a chance to speak with on that level...I respect and admire her. Jeez, its quite early in the morning and I have so much on my mind I haven't even thought about sleep yet...I think I should go lay down for a minute, our day is supposed to begin about 8, so my best friend and sister say, I bet they both oversleep. =)