she relapsed.

I feel so disappointed in both of us.

I should've been there for you...I told you I would be.

You should've fought harder!

I thought you were stronger than that.

I thought I was stronger than that.

You got mad and let me go.

I should have fought for what I believed we had.

I continue to worry.

Now, more than ever.

No direct communication.

No knowledge of how you are or whats going on.

I worry and you know how I am.

I can't help it, thats what happens when you care about someone.

Caring for someone comes with loving them.

&You know I love you, Idk why you'd even doubt that fact.

I wish I could help you, I wish you could help me.

I wish we could help each other.

Here I go wishing like its effective.

Wishing gets us nowhere.

Yet here I go AGAIN wishing you thee best and wishing that you overcome this without me.

ily babe; you know who you are.

I'll always worry and wonder how you are, simply because you're you.

You're different and you DO mean alot to me.

rebuke...

..........can I take back the last thing I posted?
you are straight trash.

was I wrong to love you?

"wise words come from the lips of people with understanding..." Proverbs 10:13

I still think we were meant to be baby...

I don't care what anyone else says.

you mean so much to me.

my trash ass art

On cloud 29...

Today my daydreams began coming true. All I want in life is to get into this school, graduate(twice), and start my already in progress business. My student/admissions advisor is Minette Davis and she's super cool and hella nice, very helpful. Celeste, my aunt, locked her keys in the car like the dumbass she is, so we ended up staying a lot longer than intended. I really didn't really care too much although usually something like that would irritate the hell out of me, but I was just so excited being there with my bestie Lex and Minette. The campus is wonderful very beautiful and extensive resources absolutely everywhere; printers randomly placed in hallways along with computer everywhere. This school is perfect for me. The class sizes range from 20-40 but usually max out at 30. Everyone was so nice, security, staff, students, everyone. It was just an overall great experience for me. I never thought I'd ever step foot in that school nonetheless be accepted! The interview with Minette was nothing like I expected. I didn't even really expect to do an interview, but I mean I thought if I was to ever be interviewed I'd be nervous or something...nope. I was very confident, a little silly, honest, just myself really and I did great! I was and still am so proud of myself. I can hardly wait to see Minette next Tuesday to set up my finacial aid for grants and loans. I'm excited that I get to go to the only school I've ever wanted to go to.

This is my businesses logo for the time being.

It will improve once my skills improve.

my day so far...

I feel....blah.

better, yet frustrated.

glad thee school I really wanted to go to called today. :)

-I applied today; YAYYY!-

my day started off with some major bs.

my auntie trying to play moms...a spot already filled by my big sister.

...had to get physical with her today.

she said I'm defiant and rude.

I don't care and I told her that.

Stupid dumb hoe ass bitch.

-whew, she sure knows how to upset me-

I don't understand my fucking family...

I am so sheltered yet they want me to make decisions as an adult how thee fuck is that supposed to work?

I've just learned what freedom and real fun is.

I've just got into thee real world, shit I'm not even in thee real world yet.

I don't have a job or anything.

&Why is it that my auntie, grandparents, and parents always arguing over who I should live with?

I wish I could just be like "fuck you all, I'm going to ________"

But, I have no place for that (__blank__).

I have no particular person that I can vent to so here I am on my blog, spilling my every thought right now.

My foot is bleeding like hell because I stepped on a nail but, oddly or lazily I'm ignoring it.

I've eaten absolutely nothing nor have I gotten any real sleep.

I'm not even hungry nor am I tired...

I think I'm beginning to understand how eating disorders come about.

&why celebs look awkardly thin and tired; STRESS!

when everything else seems wrong you don't notice how wrong other things feel...if I even worded that correctly. =\

replacement

I need someone to talk to, someone that understands me, someone that won't judge me, that'll always be there for me regardless. I'll return thee favor. I promise, I just need someone that can replace her.
- yo cambio por la mejor

broken

I don't even know what to type...falling and breaking...it happened so fast. I feel like I did it to myself as I do every other time. I give up...fuck love. I always get my feelings hurt. I have so much love and affection to give yet no one really wants it. Its going to take alot to get anything out of me now. I love so easily and get hurt so hard. I'm done with that bullshit. My heart has so many stitches in it because I mend my own heart.

I love her

....possibly more than I've ever loved anyone else.

She understands me, I understand her.

We've been looking for each other, at least that's how it seems.

I first noticed that she has thee most amazing personality seemingly possible, well towards me anyway.

Shes' soo freakin sweet.

Shes' definitely a majorly deep thinker and I LOVE IT!

As she likes to say quite often she "lives in reality" aka shes' real as hell.

She and I, I believe, are potentially on thee same level.

We automatically clicked from our first conversation; haven't really stopped talking since.

I, personally, never thought love could happen so fast, but its like we were meant to be.

God intended for us to meet.

I felt so misunderstood by many, but she understands me with no problem and I'm pretty sure she feels thee same about me.

I just feel like she could really be thee perfect one for me, as I am for her.

I've typed all of this about a woman that isn't even my girlfriend, as of now we're just friends that love each other.

I know her flaws, I plan to and already have began to help her fix them as I can.

Though, in my eyes, she is a complete angel.

Not much time has passed and we already mean so much to each other.

OMFG, how did I forget to mention how beautiful she is?!

She is absolutely gorgeous.

I'm merely a personality person, no where near shallow, but she is so undeniably beautiful.

She told me she doesn't deserve me, but I know she does because I deserve her.

To sum this up, all I can say is that, I love her. :)

Cupid

He hit us with his fucking arrow!
Unfortunately, he missed my heart and hit me in thee shoulder.
I love thee most amazing woman ever and her name is Krystal.
I can feel his poison in my veins, making its way to my heart; we'll be in love in due time.
This is for my baby. =)
- icare for you <3

"Words satisfy the soul as food satisfies the stomach; the right words on a person's lips bring satisfaction" Proverbs 20:20
- negatively positive

"If you plot evil, you will be lost; but if you plan good, you will be granted unfailing love and faithfulness" Proverbs 14:22
- negatively positive

as of 7/8/09, This whats on my mind

I'm like really hungry...No yo se que...wait. Se por que, no he comido desde ayer.


I feel as though I'm too nice at times. People run over me, take my kindness for granted. I'm such a bitch at times but the times that I need to be a bitch, I'm not.
I'm gay yet my sister pushes to talk to her friends friends...shes on her way now to come pick me up to go chill with her, her boyfriend Twan, our two cousins, and a few others. Well, one of thee others is her boyfriends cousin and he supposedly like me. I couldn't care less what his dick havin-chapped ass likes. Look at me, being a bitch. He might be a nice guy...too bad I'm gay!
I've met the most amazing woman I have ever met by far. As I told her just last night, she is strong-willed, charming, VERY good looking, sweet, very opinionated, and diverse. We met on Downelink(that seems to be where I meet everyone nowadays) and just "hit it off from the start," as an older person may say. I've never met anyone quite like her...ever. Our conversations, more than one thanks to her side-convos, were very intriguing and deep. I told her things I thought no one would ever understand or relate to, but she does. How we got a far as telling each other our business I'm not quite sure. I, personally, just felt like she'd understand and I was right she did, well she does. Just as I understand her. When I say we understand each other I mean it in everyway that we spoke. I had a coversation about music, food, a very brief convo about dogs...

Will finish at a later time...

I'm so in love

NOT!
Shut up, Ginuwine!
I wish I had someone to give my love to.
blahhhhhhh.
stinky bastard love is.
if love was a person I'd probably kill him/her.
well, I assume love is a she since it hurts like a bitch at times.
love has never felt good to me, its more, more like a cramp.
yup, love is definitely a female.
stupid bitch.
do you want my love?
I'll take thee silence as a no.
don't say I didn't offer mine when someone elses love hurts you.
your welcome for thee offer, anyways. :)
don't ever tell thee lie that you have no regrets, you should regret this.
Well, I'm filled with love and I'd like to prove that to someone, but ugh, I have no one.
I'm done.

Hate this

I hate being like him. I just got done telling someone that unlike him I can control my anger. Did I lie? Soon there after thee internet froze for like 5 minutes straight, no exaggeration, and I got angry without a doubt. I just wanted to punch someone. I hit the desk. Ugh. I'm so impatient, when things are not going my way exactly it irritates thee hell out of me. I hate that I am a spitting image of him, that I act like him. I feel as if I am not my own person. I am him. God, I want to kill him so bad. Should I kill myself instead or also?

Prince Smartass.

This blog is for my Prince because she asked me to. <3

She is a pretty cool kid. She seems very laid back. I like her so far. I met her this morning around 2-3 something on Downelink.com (if you are NOT gay I do not suggest you check it out) and we've sort of been texting each other since then. She is very sarcastic, very much so an asshole lowkey and I like that. Shes cute but I like her personality better. I told her she has a smartass mouth on her and she said so do you. All I could do was agree, everyone one knows I do and that I'm an unintentional bitch. She makes me giggle at her bluntness. I think I like her because she is a blunt asshole but shes not rude with it, but I don't know. I think we may be friends for a good minute. :)

My Pain

I never talk about it. I never really think about until I have those random nightmares. I've been hurt but no longer try to tell. My mother didn't believe me. I was young, still a baby, but you don't forget these things. It has scarred me deeply. Thinking of what was done to me by him makes me want to cry. I was helpless, a mere age of four but my memory is so vivid of that day. I wish it wasn't I wish I could forget the past. It happened only once and for that I am thankful but it shouldn't have happened at all. It shouldn't happen to anyone. No one should be molested, raped, fondled, or whatever especially not a child more less a baby.

*Relationally?

I think I just made up my own word but hey this is MY BLOG and I can write what and how I please.

Anyway, relationally speaking, if someone was to ask YOU, "how long have you been single?" and you think back to your past few relationships and you know they weren't shit...like a pure waste of time. But wait, let me explain, it wasn't necessarily a waste if you had nothing and noone, else to do. You get it?
But back to my purpose of this blog, would it be wrong for not really calling situtations like that actual relationships?

Muy enferma

Ok so lately, I've been very sick. My temperature has been as high as 103.4 and my throat is still swollen as I type this. My fever has gone down my body no longer hurts at every movement. I am very hungry. I haven't eaten anything but two popsicles in the last three days because it hurts to swallow, I'm a bit dehydrated because it hurts to even drink water. This might be a very childish mindset of a statement that I am about to make but I do not care. I WANT MY MOMMY!!! :(
Thank God, I am not off at college or something crazy like that. I just live like 30 minutes away at my aunts with my big sister, whom has a life of her own and does not feel like taking care of me. What can I say? I guess I'm spoiled. =\
I think I will go home pretty soon.

Men ain't shit. My father ain't shit. What thee fuck. I can't believe him. TRASH ASS MOTHAFUCKA!!
- la mejor; el finale