justa thinkin...pt.2

In my previous post I spoke nothing of my fiancé or my Chellesz.
My two other besties Lex and Court get talked about quite a bit in previous, previous posts.

First, Chellesz.
Chellesz is quite amazing I met her on downelink(if you're not gay don't go)
Her headline was "&all thee pretty girls say I'm pretty fly for a white guy"
Hello, who doesn't love Offspring?
Come to find out I loved her playlist of music as well.
You can say "we just clicked"
I call her my sexyass DL bestie pero idk what to call her now that we're off DL.lol.
&I'm her hawt tamale.lol.
(See she’s as amazing as I'm typing this now she has already read pt.1 and replied)
Best friend #3. :)
Chellesz, I love you woman.

Now, my fiance...
what to say, what to say...
everything.
So I fucked up in thee beginning by "cheating"
(I was talking to other people)
but we got over that.
She playED alot of games but we're getting over that.
At times, she can be thee nicest person in thee world
...but sometimes, she’s a brat. demanding and aggressive.
I'm not complaining. I love that about you.

I loveeee your body; sexiest damn thing ever.lol.

pero, seriously baby,

you seem like my future

...she said you'd propose and you did.

I love you with all my heart and I really don't want to lose you.

I just hope we last as foretold.

I love you, Anissa Robinson.

&awww, my lex has also read and replied.

I LOVE my best friends; all three of them: Chelles, Lex and Court.

I'd be COMPLETELY LOST without these people in my life.

I love all four of you guys.

justa thinkin...

I've never been "asked out"

I've never been on a REAL date.

I've only had sex that I liked once.

I've been in hella bullshit ass relationships.

I've only been appreciated by about 2-3 people.

I've always be careless, too careless.

....you think I don't care cuz I'm somewhat emotionless.

ugh. I don't know.

My point of this blog was to release my jealousy.

My jealously of everyone around me.

...so much prettier.

...better relationships.

...better lives.

I'm stuck in this HELL.

I'm so good, though.

I act as if nothing is ever wrong, when in actuality...

something in my head is always wrong.

I'm sick, I'm violent, I'm rude.

I just don't give a FUCK, man.

Life is not something I value, nor is money.

I value my friends.

E'Lexis, no matter what she'll always be my number on go to person.

Courtney, shes never judgemental, always ready to listen.

Those two are my ONLY friends; fuck that dumb shit, "I just met her but shes my friend"

Bullshit, people need to learn thee word "acquaintance"

blah, I'm done bitching for now.

my fiance said:

Baby u kno i love u wit all my heart n i wanna marry u.

I wanna b wit for the rest of my life.

I want us to have at least three kids n walk on the beach late at nite n make love til da sun comes up.

I cnt wait to c u to put dat ring on ur finger.

Ur da best thing dat ever happen to me. I love you amber _______.
(you don't need to know my whole government name)

--`I say, but it comes out as

FUCK IT.

ugh.

:(

"make love to me, baby"

Love --`Osho

Love is not a passion, love is not an emotion .

Love is a very deep understanding that somebody somehow completes you.

Somebody makes you a full circle.

The presence of the other enhances your presence.

Love gives freedom to be yourself, it is not possessiveness.

Greatful

Mannnnn, I just got home from my folks casa.
Let me tell you about my day as planned:
1.Auntie take me and thee sis to hospital for follow up.
2.Interview at 1
3.GO HOME(&chill like a mofo) lol

PERO, no let me tell you how it went:
1.----went as planned.
2.Auntie went to pick mom up to bring her to thee same hospital we was already at because she passed out....twice.
3.Fucking tag-team argue with my aunt...my sis and I shut her down in that waiting room.(she trip for NOTHING.smh)
4.Had to reschedule my interview due to "family emergency"
5.Go to thee padres casa to watch our younger siblings.
--dammnnnnn, they loud as fuck, it was hot as hell, mad humid, it stank, I had to cook...man fuck.
6.Pops came in bitchin, I'm like wtf nigga..fa real? I don't even live hereeeee! UGH!
7.We're JUST NOW GETTING HOME!!

Today made me realize that I am soooooooooooooooo greatful that my big sister and I live here with our aunt.
I went through so much trivial bullshit today. I'm fucking irritated as hell.

Just had to get that off my minddddd. :)
p.s. I do feel better now that I've typed this all out.