sex: a rare subject of my mind

So, see people daily posting about being horny and/or wanting sex. I, personally, feel like STFU! simply because for one thats lowkey weird and secondly there are a select few that post things of that nature daily. I get thee automatic thought in my head like, 'this heffa been thinking about sex all day? Is that all she thinks about?" Its not just men that think about just sex all thee time. Hello, so do you! I honestly can not provide you wth my reasoning behind not wanting or even thinking about having sex like that because I merely don't have a reason. Never really thought about it until now. Also, I haven't had sex since April either, well actually I haven't had any GOOD sex since Jan. But, I'm not complaining.lol. There is so much else to think about and do, other than sex. Relationshps DEFINITELY should NOT be based on whether or not thee sex is good or not. Sex should be an expression of affection, of love, not just an act of "personal satisfaction" or however you'd word that. Just lke I don't believe relationships should be based on money or any other materialistic things either, but that is a whole another blog in itself...

I'm drunkly and soberly, crazy?

I'm drunk as hell as I actually write this shit...yet I'm coherent. &look no one knows how emotional I really fucking am besides my bestie and my ex slightly knows alil something...not much; she never hurt me enough to find out. She almost did though. I still love her. Anyway, I fucking hate being yelled at. Regardless of who it is, but especially when its my "sister." She uses me constantly and treats me like shit...like her do girl. She say it, I do it. First of all I'm super fucked up and I'm very lowkey emotional therefore I'm VERY LOWKEY suicidal. I'm getting stupid embarrassed because I KNEW which way to go when thee drunk girl giving directions didn't. I'm absolutely too stupid to do any damn thing. She straight up yelling at me "making her point" wtf ever man. Man, she was like, "Amber, why you want me to kill you so bad?"
I said cuz, "I hate life life"
i fell asleep before i could finish this "/

My 1st date was GREAT! I had so much fun. I like my friend so much. Shes is hilarious! I absolutely love talking to her, shes so easy to talk to. I know she probably thinks I'm thee biggest pretty retard like ever. But I don't care. I mean like seriously even if she don't like me, like me, shes an amazing friend. Good listener and such a dork. She kept me smiling and laughing...its her fault I'm sick too damn it. Sheesh. - la mejor queer

Should I be excited again? - la mejor queer

I should've known better...I should've known...I shouldn't've told her shit. Shes thee reason why most of my relationships fail...ask some of my exs. Why does she lowkey hate me? Its like she doesn't want me happy with anyone I don't understand :( - la mejor queer

I HATE my sister. Shes so selfish. She only does shit for me when it benefits her. I'm sitting here starving but shes full she went and got herself something. I'm crying, a little. Ugh. She KNEW what tonight meant to me. Shes even been making fun of me and telling all her friends that I'll be going on my first date. Shit, she even did my hair and burned me half to dead so I'd look cuter than on an average day for my date.

But no she pulls this last minute bullshit. "She bringing you home?" "Uhm. What?" "If you're not back by 10 I'm leaving you....after work I'm going straight home and you know Celeste gonna ask 'wheres amber' I'ma say shes on a real date"teeheehee my ass. Ugh. She fucking knew! Idk why she'd do this to me. I fucking hate crying but shit she straight fucked me over. She let me get my hopes ALL up just so she could crush me. :( - la mejor queer

Smh. I am ready to go home! I would like to be able un properly prepare for my date. Blah. Just like a month ago I was bitchin that I've never been on a date, well lookahere! I gots me a looker! I'm not going to talk about my friend/date just yet because I know I'll have more to say later about her than I do now. I do like my friend and I'm very excited and whatnot. My 1st date everyone! - la mejor queer