i swear there could not possibly be anyone better…like idk shes so right..
so much is going through my mind..i feel like i made alot of bad decisions today.
i left my bff at my moms so i could go chill w/a friend..it would’ve been awkward if she tagged along and i know she hates being at my moms. i honestly didn’t think i’d be gone so long.
my lack of communication and lack of thinking things completely through is fucking awful…like wtf do i really be thinking about; honestly like nothing ? tht is so rhetorical but i am a spur of thee moment person, i just go w/thee flow but tht doesn’t work for me anymore because i have more responsibilities and whtnot now.
i don’t want to say im spoiled because i’ve never wanted much&if i did want it doubt i got but people tend to do alot for me in ways..i feel ungrateful because right now i can’t think of how but i know my aunt and sister do a hell of alot for me in ways tht you may assume tht i am spoiled…
thee choice i made today made me seem selfish, inconsiderate, and just hella rude towards Court..regardless of how i ever feel towards her i never want her nonetheless anyone to think tht of me because i am far from 2 of thee 3; rude, i know i can be quite often. but inconsiderate and selfish ? no, definitely not towards her or my sister..better yet or anyone except maybe my aunt because she irks me in so many ways more than anyone else…&w/tht im beginning to really realize its out of some strange kinda of annoying love (which i’ll elaborate on in another blog). Court is a blog in herself tht i’ll have to make but idk; i love her more than words can describe i don’t think we were ever meant to be together but we were meant to be friends&thts all i’ll say in this blog. but i feel majority bad because i did her so grimy today unintentionally, of course. im not a selfish person, i’d do anything for this woman; ANYTHING&ALMOST anything for everyone else. im not inconsiderate to her or my sis because if no one else, i care about these two thee most in thee world; im w/them 24/7 and can’t help but love them…yeah, im mean as fuck generally and type A real rude but i have a heart..i’ll do wtf i can for you, whoever you are&now tht i think about it…i may be a little inconsiderate to some..if i don’t like you, of course, or if i don’t know you i may be inconsiderate of how you feel, but thts more so rude, right ?
anyway, im clearing my mind and reiterating tht i love my bff Court so much like i will never put her out there like tht ever again..i hate tht she was so mad at me…thts wht hurt thee most; i could feel her energy&it hurt my heart. then when she came and talked to me and straight up told me about myself ? smh i just wanted to cry like some kind of lil pansy bitch..i need to get my shit together
